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AMY SMITH LINTON

Fiction Prompt: Holiday Cheer

12/24/2018

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Imagination is like the common cold virus: it's always there, lurking, waiting for the chance to nip in and take the wheel. There's no sure cure, though you can treat the symptoms. Medical advice says let it run its course. 
Picture
Today's fiction prompt: a photo I took on a fishing trip to Wyoming.

Rudolph was no fiberglass elk, bugling soundlessly on the street of Thermopolis.
He was neither the victim of a fierce electrical taping nor did he lose an ear during a wrestling match with a drunk guy.
He did not lift his rack of fiberglass antlers into the wide Wyoming sky in an effort to voice his pain.
He did not wear a saddle-pad of twinkling holiday lights. 
He did not sport a compact fluorescent bulb painted red at the distal point of his noggin.

They might have let Rudolph join in any reindeer games, but little matter.
Was he like Bartleby before him, preferring not?
Or like Robert Cratchit, beetling away for the chance of a day's liberty?
Or Balthazar, with the insight to know what lay ahead?
Or maybe, inert as can be, he is like the Yule log, waiting for the dark to yield to light and then celebrate another year beginning.

​Hope your season is bright. 





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Everglades Challenge: Spawn Looks More and More like the Painted Love Child of a Praying Mantis and a Delorean DCM-12

12/18/2018

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Not sure what else I need to add after that title, but here goes.  

Background: The Everglades Challenge is an annual unsupported adventure water race that sends a fleet of paddlers, sailors, and rowers down the west coast of Florida from St. Petersburg, across the Everglades, and ends 300 miles later in Key Largo.

It begins on the first Saturday of March.

​It's organized by a group called the Water Tribe, and the start at Fort DeSoto Beach is one of the goofiest, most glorious marine spectacles imaginable.
Spawn of Frankenscot
Racks folded for trailering.

My favorite skipper has participated for a few years –– his WaterTribe handle is "Two Beers."

He sails with Jahn Tihansky ("Moresailhesaid") on a boat designed by OH Rodgers ("Ninjee"). The team has surprised more than a few skeptical onlookers and broken a couple of records.

​I've been chronicling the ongoing 
adventures, naturally. 
​
Each year, the guys innovate, redesign, refine. Mr. Linton spends many a spare hour dreaming about the project, and then many a busy day implementing the improvements.  

This year, it's a new arrangement for the water ballasting and hiking racks.

Carbon fiber attachments and integral glass-over-wood tanks hinge up and out.  This change, we all hope, should improve flotation as well as speeding up the processes of getting the boat from trailer to water.  

Plus it might be a bit cushy for the tushy.
Spawn of Frankenstein
Racks deployed as for sailing.
Picture
Each year, I try to tamp down my impatience and worry knowing that Two Beers finds the long, fiddly process both mentally and physically engaging.
He told me that there is no other sailing competition that gives him the chance to use his strategic wit, maritime experience, and boat-MacGyvering in this way.

I get it, but still I worry. 300 miles. Storms. Gators and crocs. Sticky mud and razor-sharp oyster beds. Sleep deprivation. Idiot powerboaters. Et cetera.

​Water testing in a couple of weeks, knock wood.
Picture
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Art or Nature?

12/11/2018

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Life is not the only thing out there imitating art.

​Evidently Nature's in on it too. 

According to Edgar Degas, "Art is not what you see, but what you make others see."  And for that I might as well go ahead and apologize.  
Goblin Valley State Park
The naughty bit...of a goblin. Goblin State Park, Utah.
Venus di Mideci buttocks
She doesn't get the same press as David, but the Medici Venus at the Uffizi has got back, baby.
I was thinking about the Alexander Pope quote, which was –– I thought –– Art is but Nature to advantage dressed.  Or, in this case, not dressed. I meant to rift extensively on part about being undressed. Low humor, sure, and possibly dragging in the topic of saggy pants.

But when I checked the quotation (From his Essay on Criticism, which is in strictest truth a poem), Pope actually wrote:
"True wit is Nature to Advantage drest,/What oft was Thought, but ne'er so well Exprest,/Something, whose Truth convince'd at Sight we find,/That gives us back the Image of our Mind."

Oh Alexander Pope, you navel-gazing noodler. 
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The Big Parks Trip: Goblins!

12/4/2018

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A couple of weeks into our 9000-mile road trip, Captain Winnebago was steering the Winnie through Southern Utah.

Utah is –– as Holden Caulfield might have said  –– lousy with park land. ​

​The state has the "Big 5" National Parks: Arches, Bryce, Capital Reef, Grand Canyon, and Zion, plus more: Canyonlands, the Pony Express, Mormon Pioneer, and California National Trails, and a nice handful of National Monuments.

As if that weren't enough, it also has Goblin Valley State Park. 
Goblin Valley State Park
Goblin Valley is full of hoodoos –– those weirdly worn pillars of sandstone that resemble human figures.  And I mean the valley is FULL of them.

It was first called "Mushroom Valley" when Anglos first found it.  Although in full disclosure, even more than goblins, I think one could argue a valley of phallus-like items.

Names matter.

I get it.

​Who in the world would agree to chaperone a busload of teenagers to Dingus Valley State Park for an overnight tenting adventure?
Goblin Valley Hoodoos
But how about Ponker Valley? Pizzle Park? Tallywacker Trail?  

​I can restrain myself only by strong effort. Goblins! Goblins!
Goblin Valley Hoodoos
In any case, the valley opened as a state park in the 1964. It's one of the few parks where electric scooters are not prohibited on the roads, and where a visitor can meander at will up and over the sandstone structures. 
Walking Goblin Valley State Park
We put in our miles while visiting.   ​
Goblin Valley at Dawn
We set off at dawn and returned to the Winnie reminded of how very dry and how very empty Utah can be.
Goblin's Lair Trail at Goblin Valley State Park Utah
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