Minutes that will never return

Illustration from "Stories that Never Grow Old" by Matty Piper, Illustrated by George and Doris Hauman. Platt Munk, Co. NY. 1937

Tempus fuigit. Time flies. 














May I please reclaim minutes spent:

1. Waiting for the number above the counter to match the number on the paper ticket in my hand: Deli counter, DMV, Apple Store, I'm talking to you.

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2. Watching that YouTube tutorial on "wobbling." Like I need to add this dance move to my arsenal. 

3. Refereeing any discussion about where anyone else is going to sit in the car. 

4. Also, while it might be a valuable 21st Century skill, I would take back that time I spent with Nicole Richie recently on How to Take an Awesome Selfie. I'm not Nicole Richie; my selfie is never going to be that awesome.

5. Drug-store Purgatory: trying to pick the right hair conditioner. Seriously? A bottle of goo is not going make that much difference. Even this one.

6. Playing Tetris, Candy Crush Saga, Word Scramble. They are banned from the desktop, but they just keep sneaking back into reach.

7. Trying to navigate voice-mail mazes. Damn it, if you want to call it "customer service," people, it ought to end up providing me with some species of service!

8. Picking hair conditioner. Yeah, got me again. And still, no bottle of goo will transform my hair into something rich and strange. Even this one.

9. Reading pretty much any magazine article about making myself more attractive by the application of money to my person.  Most of my early teen years can be reclaimed if only I could get these hours back.

10. Meetings. I am not going to be unrealistic here. Can I just have a single minute back for every ten I spent inside airless conference rooms while someone on the other end of the speaker-phone explained one more time what we hoped to accomplish during our time together?  I'll use those precious minutes to sleep. For reals.

11. Bonus complaint. Hard to explain how this one vacuumed up minute after minute, but feel free to enjoy. If you -- well -- if you have a minute: